How to succeed when you don’t believe you can

“I just don’t believe I have what it takes. Doesn’t that mean it’s never going to happen?”

My client had tears in her eyes as she said this to me. Things in her author career weren’t moving as fast as she’d hoped, and she was taking it as a sign that she wasn’t going to reach her goals. (By the way, that’s totally normal. The human brain easily mistakes short-term data for a long-term result.) 

“Not at all,” I assured her. “I believe you can. And that can be enough until you do, too.” 

I wasn’t just saying this to make her feel better. Research actually shows that my belief helps my clients believe—and succeed. 

As woo as it may sound, belief transfer is a real phenomenon, and it can up the odds that you reach your goals. Scientists call it the Pygmalion effect (also known as the Rosenthal effect, named for a researcher who studied this in educational settings), in which another person’s expectations influence your outcomes. (And yes, negative expectations can up the odds of a negative outcome, too. It works in both directions.) It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy—but with someone else making sure you're continually fulfilling the right prophecy. 

So if you’re having trouble believing, know that it’s not some sort of secret signthat you’re doomed to fail. Then make a concerted effort to spend less time with people who agree that you can’t pull it off—and a lot more time with at least one person who believes you can.